My Journey of understanding myself, “Can I?” Part #1

by Jon Gums Dakota Grappler

I have always asked myself, “Can I?”  Like asking for permission, usually I find when I tell myself yes, it gets done.  When I have doubt it does not get done… Hmmm… Correlation?

Lately, I have been obsessed with digging deep within to figure out who I am, what I represent who I want to be remembered as… Should I already know this? 

What have I known?

I know I am a lifelong learner, and educator.

I have now figured understanding one’s self is also a lifelong lesson that cannot be figured out in one day, but it must be built upon or you die… Now die is a harsh term, but when I say die I mean emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually die!  Which is true death in my book.

I know life is about relationships.

Speaking of relationships #1 is to understand yourself, if you are not in a good relationship with yourself you will have a hard time being in true relationships with the people around you.

Apparently, when you drink a beer you shorten your life by 9 minutes.

So, according to my college days…

I died about 6 years ago.  I do have a good relationship with myself… So now time to build on relationships I have around me.

This is my journey… If you want to follow feel free.

Two things I did/currently doing.

#1 Can you?  Identify Your Strengths and Weaknesses.

One of the most important things you need to know about yourself is what your strengths are, and what your weaknesses are. This will allow you to focus on the you first and manage around others second.

Take a moment right now and write down the answer to the following question: “What are your strengths?” If you have trouble answering this question, you can find out by taking a strengths/weaknesses test.  Many of the strengths and weakness surveys can be found online.

I learned there are several types of strengths you can identify in.  I will list a few here you can focus on.  I read an article on the 24^th strengths… I will pick out a few so you can focus on a couple and not get overwhelmed.  I learned so much going through this. (Highly recommend)

Types of Strengths (I found this info here) https://www.viacharacter.org/character-strengths I will also attach a pdf from my learnings that covers this well.

Wisdom: creativity, curiosity, judgment, love of learning, perspective

Courage: bravery, honesty, perseverance, zest

Humanity: kindness, love, social intelligence

Justice: fairness, leadership, teamwork

Temperance: forgiveness, humility, prudence, self-regulation

Transcendence: gratitude, hope, humor, spirituality, appreciation of beauty

In terms of your weaknesses, here are my three tips for identifying the areas that need shoring up:

Ask yourself which tasks you keep avoiding.  (loosing weight, staying focused, completing tasks, saying sorry, showing gratitude)

Think back to your failures. Is there a common pattern to those failures? What weakness are those failures pointing to?  (time, commitment, will power, effort)

Think back to every evaluation you’ve received, whether at school, home or work. Is there something that people keep telling you that you need to work on?  Mine is organization, I know where my stuff is, but if anyone wanted to do what I do it would be hard to replicate, I call it organized chaos, but really it is a mess, and I know it and need to work on it.

The harsh feedback you have received in life are usually by people who care about you.  It is usually the toughest to see it as productive to your success, but the feedback they give really is. 

This leads to #2.

#2 Can you? Ask People You Trust for Feedback.

When I was a kid in school, a popular prank was to tape a note to another student’s back. The trick was to do it subtlety so that the other kid didn’t notice that something was being taped to their back. The note usually said something like, “I’m stupid” or “Kick me”.

The joke was that the kid didn’t know that they had a note stuck to their back, but everyone else did. Our personalities are a little bit like this. We all have a blind spot: things about ourselves that we can’t see, but others can.

In addition, you can never be sure of how you’re coming across to others until you ask them. Therefore, if you want to become more self-aware, ask a few people you trust for feedback on your personality. Ask for both positive and negative feedback, as well as for any advise they may have on how you can improve.  I started to do this a few months back and have found, once you establish the repour with a few good friends they ask you to do the same for them, and your relationships grow.

I will put this in my mindset series…. This is a lifelong journey to figure out the secrets of mastering the best mindset for me… and wrestlers of course.